Going in circles

Have you ever felt like you’re working hard on every aspect of your life only to come back where you started?

Certain decisions in our life are always spoken, thought about, and debated in and on with our own minds or that of a listening ear, but never acted upon. Each day the pattern repeats, you wake up breaking up with your bed, drag yourself out of the house, or in today’s context in front of the webcam, or just lay there thinking – why do I feel so heavy? Am I tired already? Did I not get enough sleep? I have a lot to do, why am I being so lazy? I don’t want to work anymore, I want to try something that I am passionate about. I don’t want to keep sleeping or do that repetitive job anymore. And then just like that, you start dreaming about how it would feel to work on something that ignites the fire in you, you know it will be lite af. You dream about the day you’ll type that resignation letter or start that Instagram page you have curated multiple times in your head and heart, and its 2pm, a notification shines on your screen and your dreams are scrolled over for that reel which just popped, and you keep doing this exact same thing day by day, month by month. Nothing changes. You on around circles and the unrealized but very real dreams remain within those constraints.

Why do we do this to ourselves? Don’t we already know what we want? Well, here’s the deal, our brain is wired to our comfort zone, it tries to protect our decisions every day. It’s instinctual to our patterns and aims that relaxing all our senses, by analyzing and reflecting our past choices and experiences. “I’ll do that after watching just one episode”, we give excuses and convince ourselves that the fatigue and extra stress after or before anything productive or unproductive is just too much work or you being lazy. What we fail to recognize that our neglected aspirations act up unrealized burdens and make us feel tired day by day.

Maybe if we try to observe and look into our decisions we will recognize that pattern, that pattern of immediately stopping when you feel unconformable to try something new, the feeling of safety washing over you, ” at least I know how to go around my rude boss, at least I have my movies and series to keep me company, at least I know what it feels to feel unhappy”

There is a lot going on beneath the surface other than just being lazy or unable to quit things that make us unhappy. What if for a moment we close our eyes and remember the times when we took decisions, decisions that made us move and try something different? Having that unmatched flavor of ice cream and immediately regretting but feeling not a bit of unhappiness for the decision you made?

Can we try to remember that feeling that comes after the seconds of uncomfort? Would it be worth it to experience those few minutes for a whole lot of adventure? To book that holiday, to open that art page, to apply for that job, to quit that job, or to go eat that pineapple on pizza.

Can we apply this same energy and go off at a tangent to stop going in circles?

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